Mother-in-law
These Viewpoints provoke a range of reactions. But whatever I have written over the years, I have always enjoyed the unqualified support of my mother-in-law.....
Over the past 10 years, I have discovered that most people who read my Viewpoints like them because they raise a smile. Others dislike them intensely. Last week, I lost one of the most avid readers of my columns when Frieda, my mother-in-law, died at the age of 75.
When you get married, a free mother-in-law comes with the package. And with all mothers-in-law, there are two possibilities: you either get a good one or a bad one. I was one of the lucky guys who got a good one. Although she had her whims, she was interested, sociable and had a great sense of humour.
Ten years ago, when we started Recycling International, we needed some extra cash to get the project off the ground and my mother-in-law loaned us the money without us having to ask. Needless to say that we paid her back with interest and affection. Although her English reading skills were not very good, she always read my Viewpoints word by word. One day, after having told a mother-in-law joke in one of my columns, she called me and asked in a seemingly offended tone of voice: ‘Tell me that this joke was not about me or I won’t bring you a birthday present next week.’ ‘Oh no, don’t tell me you were planning to visit us!’ I replied in a quasi-shocked voice. We both laughed and I knew I did not even have to tell her I was joking. She understood.
It was Frieda’s wish that, after her funeral, her sons and daughter and their spouses would go out for a lovely meal, have fun and celebrate her life. And so we did. We had a wonderful dinner and, in turn, we each told stories and anecdotes about the experiences we had had with her. When it came to my turn, I told my fellow mourners about her reaction to the mother-in-law joke I had used in my Viewpoint years before, and that triggered a flood of other mother-in-law stories. Knowing you had a good sense of humour yourself, Frieda, I’m sure you won’t mind me telling some of the jokes we cracked in your honour.
- ‘A young man excitedly tells his mother that he has fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says: ‘Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.’ The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women to the house and they all chat for a while. He then says: ‘Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry?’ She immediately replies: ‘The one on the right.’ ‘That’s amazing, Ma,’ the son says, ‘you’re right. How did you know?’ The mother replies: ‘I don’t like her.’
- ‘Yesterday, I bumped into my friend William who was looking very depressed. ‘Why are you looking so unhappy? What’s the matter, my friend?’ I asked him. ‘Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law,’ he replied, ‘and she swore to me she wouldn’t talk to me for a month.’ Knowing about his strained relationship with his mother-in-law, I said: ‘Well, that’s not so bad, is it? You should celebrate.’ ‘No, no, you don’t understand,’ said William. ‘You see, that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day.’
- ‘I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating up my mother-in-law. As I stood there and watched, her neighbour, who knew me, said: ‘Well, aren’t you going to help?’ I replied: ‘No, six of them should be enough.’
- Some weeks ago in a restaurant, a woman and a man were sitting at the table next to mine. The woman studied the wine list and said to her husband: ‘This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite and a bitter aftertaste.’ The man responded wryly: ‘Are you describing the wine or your mother?’
- Two men are sitting in a pub. One says to the other: ‘My mother-in-law is an angel!’ His friend replies: ‘You’re so lucky. Mine is still alive.’
Manfred Beck
Editor